get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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