Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
