we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
