you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We are two peas in an std pod
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
