Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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