and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
In America we eat man semen.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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