college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
