It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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