Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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