you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
