If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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