Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
