Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize