Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
