Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
