how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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