Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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