I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
