All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
