Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
