I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
