glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
