oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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