Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
