My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
