I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
