this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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