we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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