It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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