lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
