I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
