just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
