you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
