..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
being pregnant is like rehab
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
