Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
