I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I think my moral compass just broke
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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