She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Randomize
