i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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