did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
