are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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