he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
