I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
