It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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