i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
