I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
