I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
