i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
