just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
