The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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