he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
