I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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