So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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