Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
