its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
