My room smells like vodka and shame
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize