I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
