if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
