if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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