I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize