just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
this will be a night to untag.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well I just put wine in my tea
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
