I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
