it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
