so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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