Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize