32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Randomize
