We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
