whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
