Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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