i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
