Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize