you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
