i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
