i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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