dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize