Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
