A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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