Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
